


Darkness

by wanderer765



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:58:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderer765/pseuds/wanderer765
Summary: The aftermath of Barry telling Iris her future.The second chapter will be them talking the morning after and discussing what was said and where to go from here.





	1. The Night Of

**Author's Note:**

> I took the plunge and have officially entered the dark side...and to be honest writing this kind of story wasn't as scary or hard as I thought it would be. I can't promise I'll continue writing smut, but I also can't promise I won't :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The cold wind knocked against the windows in their lofted bedroom. The sound mimicking the knocking of their headboard against the wall.

Their love making thus far, for the most part, had been soft and slow and detail oriented. It had been him learning the different curves of her body, him memorizing the different spots to touch or kiss or hit that would make her throw her head back, or make her say his name in such a way that he knew he was doing something right. It had been her running her hands through his hair, pressing his head down so that their lips could meet, rolling and rocking her hips in time with his. Whispering encouraging words in each other's ears.

It had been like a dance, a slow and calculated dance where their bodies worked together as one. But tonight was different. Tonight was rough and messy and passionate.

Not that they ever lacked passion, but tonight it was intensified. They both fought for dominance. Both fought for the control they so desperately needed to feel.

Earlier in the night Barry had come clean to Iris about what he'd seen happen to her in the future. There had been worry and tears and promises made.

And then came the silence. Then came the overwhelming weight of having an expiration date, of knowing that your time is limited.

Of him knowing that despite his will to save her, he still might fail...he _did_ fail.

Of her knowing that her hero, the love of her life, her shelter couldn't keep her safe like he'd promised her he would.

There was a heaviness that surrounded them as they walked through their apartment door. The air was thick. She looked around at the home they'd made together. They'd only been there a few weeks but it had already become her safe haven, her favorite place in the world, because it was theirs. It was them waking up together and getting ready for the day side by side. It was him coming home to her and kissing her after a long day apart. It was going to bed each night wrapped in his arms. It was love and warmth and safety.

But there was a coldness now. A sadness of knowing that all they'd hoped and dreamed of could very well be gone in five short months. The reality that nowhere was safe, not anymore.

She slowly climbed the stairs to their bedroom as he trailed behind her. She walked over to her dresser, taking her earrings out, letting her hair fall down.

Barry stood off to the side, wringing his hands, unsure of what to do or say. He loosened the tie around his neck, suddenly feeling like it was trying to strangle him, trying to cut off the air he was already struggling to breathe. He quickly turned and made his way to their bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He braced his hands on the counter and took a deep breath in. He turned the cold water on, splashing it on his face, trying to wake himself up from this nightmare. Telling her had made it too real. Had made it fully sink in like it hadn't before. He was embarrassed, ashamed, angry at himself for being too slow. For having to tell her that he'd failed her. He turned the water off and could hear gentle sobs coming from the other side of the door. He dried his face off and pulled himself together, slowly opening the door.

She stood in just her underwear and bra holding an old picture of them in her hand. She turned her head towards him when she realized he was watching her. He walked over to her and placed a hand around her shoulders, pulling her into his side.

"Iris..."

"Who would've ever thought that this is where we would be. That this is where our lives would take us. That you would grow up to be the fastest man..."

She scoffed, not finishing her sentence. He felt her tense and shift her body away from him. She placed the frame back on her bedside table, brushing past him to go take her make up off.

He felt his stomach drop. She was losing her faith in him, she was starting to not believe. He undressed himself and sat at the edge of their bed in his boxers.

She finished in the bathroom and walked back out into their room.

"You're mad at me aren't you?" he said to her with his head down.

She didn't say anything.

He lifted his head to look at her, tears brimming his eyes.

"I understand if you are Iris...I know how heavy this all is and I can't imagine how this all must feel for you. Trust me, I'm mad at me too."

"I'm not mad Barry," her tone completely betraying her words.

He stood and closed the space between them.

"Yes you are."

"Why are you trying to tell me how I feel? You have no fucking idea Barry. None. You're not the one who's dying, you're not the one who's whole world came crashing down tonight."

She was leaning into him now, pushing him backwards, letting her thoughts come out completely unfiltered. But she needed this, he knew it and she knew it.

"You're not the one who's going to miss out on everything, who will never get to travel the world. You're not the one who has to leave everyone."

She was crying again and her voice grew louder and louder.

"And maybe I am mad. Maybe I am! I'm mad that you left me for nine months. I'm mad that you waited so long to tell me how you felt. I'm mad that it took me so long to figure out that I always had feelings for you too. I'm mad that you lied to me about being the Flash, that you intentionally kept me away and pushed me away over and over again."

And she's pushing him harder now, hitting at his chest.

"I'm mad that I'm the happiest I've ever been and that I love you more than I ever thought possible and that it's all going to go away because of you. You promised me you'd always keep me safe. You promised me a future. We were supposed to get married Barry. Why are you never there for me when I need you the most? Why couldn't you save me?"

She falls into him and rests her head on his chest, sobbing. He holds on to her, tries to ground her and give her some semblance of safety even though he knows the last thing she feels right now is safe in his arms.

And he doesn't say a word. He wouldn't know what to say right now anyway. There was so much truth to what she had said, even if they were things he thought they'd worked through, thought that she was over. But there was so much history between them, so many hurts, he didn't blame her for not completely letting go.

So he holds her and waits for her to calm down, waits until her breathing slows down. He waits for her cue, waits to follow whatever move she makes next, prepared to give her space.

She leans back, wiping her eyes. She doesn't look up at him, stops her eyes from traveling up to his eyes and settles on staring at his lips. She brings a hand up to the back of his head and pulls him down to her, giving him a bruising kiss. It's rough and hard. All teeth and tongue.

He tries to pull away to catch his breath, but it only causes her to hold on to him harder, kiss him harder. She bites at his lower lip finally breaking the kiss. She leans back and meets his gaze and there's a darkness in her eyes that he's never seen before.

He winces as she drags her fingernails down his torso, stopping at his hip bones and pulls him towards her, grinding into him. She rids him of his boxers and quickly pushes him onto their bed.

She unclasps her bra and throws it on the floor next to his boxers. He pushes back on his elbows until he reaches the top of the bed and she slowly crawls up, settling herself on him. She digs her nails into his chest again as she rubs herself against him, the cloth of her underwear providing the right amount of friction as she grinds down. He rests his hands on her thighs, letting her do what she needs to do, watches her reach a hand up to squeeze at one of her breasts, her eyes tightly closed and mouth slightly open.

If he wasn't fully hard before, he was now. She quickens her pace as a bead of sweat falls between her breasts as she brings herself to a sweet release. She collapses on top of him.

He runs one hand through her hair, the other gently rubbing up and down her back.

She pulls away from his touch and rolls onto her back, pulling him on top of her. She still has that look in her eye. The darkness hasn't completely left. He waits a beat as they stare at each other silently.

He sits back and grabs either side of her panties, dragging them over the swell of her backside as she lifts her hips to help him. She reaches over to his bedside table and fumbles around for a condom. She lifts up, sitting in his lap, showing him she stills wants to be in control. She reaches down between them, stroking him a couple times before rolling the condom slowly down his shaft. Once covered, she leads him to where she's warm and open and ready.

She pushes down onto him. They both rest their heads on each other's shoulders, as they work up a fast and uncontrolled pace. There's no rhyme or reason to it. She goes from bouncing, to rocking. From wrapping her legs around his waist and lifting herself up and down his length, to planting her feet on either side of his hips, riding him harder than ever before. He tries to match her but she's changing it up too quickly and he can't keep up. She's always one step ahead of him. He gets slightly frustrated at the erratic changes, needing that release. He grabs her waist and gently pushes her off of him, laying her down. He angles her hips up and pushes her legs back so they rest at her sides, settling on his knees in between her.

He knows she wants complete control, but he's craving it as well. Needs to show her he can still give her what she needs, even if her faith in him is wavering. He works up a relentless pace. She pulls him down to her again needing their upper bodies connected as well. His hair is damp with sweat as she rests her head in the crook of his neck. She lifts her mouth to bite at his ear. Tells him how good it feels and how close she is.

She lowers her legs a bit and wraps them high around his waist. He lifts a little to reach down between them, knowing exactly what to do to send her over the edge. His thrusts become faster and less precise and then she's throwing her head back and yelling his name.

His eyes are closed as he pumps into her a few more times before stilling. He rests his forehead against her as they both try to labor their breathing. He slowly pulls out of her, quickly disposing of the condom. He goes to completely move off of her but she holds him there.

"Don't leave...not yet."

She lowers her legs from his waist and wraps them lower around his legs. She runs her hands across his slick back, feeling every breathe he takes.

They stay like that for a while until their sweat has dried and a chill finds them both.

"I'm sorry Bear...I didn't mean all those things I said."

She wraps her arms high around his neck, squeezing him hard. As if being completely naked and still somewhat connected wasn't close enough for her. She needs to feel him all over. Let him settle into her bones.

He tries moving again and this time she lets him. He settles on his side, pulling their sheet up to cover them, tangling their legs together. She settles into his chest and lets him hold her. Lets him think he's keeping her safe. Let's herself try and remember what it felt like to feel safe in his arms.

She wants so badly to still believe that she is.

She's exhausted. Her eyes heavy from crying. Her body though is relaxed from the inside out, thanks to their lovemaking. She tries to let his touch calm and warm her, for his steady breath on her forehead to lull her to sleep.

He feels her finally give in to her tiredness, but he stays awake a while longer. He worries how they'll navigate through this, how he can prove to her that he won't be too slow this time.

But for now he commits to memory the way she feels in his arms. The way she twitches ever so slightly as she drifts into REM sleep. The way she unconsciously pulls him closer every time she exhales.

And there will never be enough time, never be enough words, never be enough ways for him to tell her how deeply he loves her, but that doesn't stop him from whispering it in her ear as she sleeps. So that even in her dreams, even in the darkness she knows that she's loved. That she's his world and that he'll do everything in his power to keep her safe. 


	2. The Morning After

It's quiet. Peacefully quiet as he lays on his back and stares at the ceiling. It's quiet except for the words she said, playing inside his head over and over again.

_Why are you never there for me when I need you the most? Why couldn't you save me?_

He feels her place her hand on his chest and he takes a deep breath in and out. He turns to find her eyes still closed and gently touches her shoulder.

She stirs a bit and slowly blinks her eyes a few times before they stay open. Beautiful dark brown eyes stare at him, unwavering, until it's too much and she looks away.

Down.

Like she's remembering all that was said yesterday. Like her dreams are quickly fading away and her thoughts are cemented back in reality. A reality where she dies in five months.

"Bear...about last night..."

He sees her lower lip shiver a bit as she inhales. He sees her trying to keep her composure as she searches for the words to say.

"I was so cruel. I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it."

He brings a hand up to caress her face.

"Iris we need to be honest with each other. If some of those things are still bothering you then let's deal with them. Let's not brush them aside and wait. That never seems to work out very well for us."

She meets his eyes again and pushes closer to him.

"But they're not still bothering me though...at least not consciously. I think I was just hurting so much in that moment and I wanted somebody else to feel hurt too. And I know how wrong that is and that it doesn't solve anything. All it did was make me feel worse.

I know you're hurting over this. I've been through that...I've watched _you_ die Barry. It's a pain unlike anything I've ever felt before.

So...I know."

He moves to give her a chaste kiss before she continues.

"I think...maybe I am still a little sad that we wasted so much time, ya know? Knowing how happy I feel now that we're together and that I could've been feeling this way years ago. It just makes me sad. But I know that everything happens for a reason and that all the things we had to go through before we got together have only made us stronger."

He slides the back of his hand down her cheek before turning to lay on his back again.

"Iris...there was truth in what you said last night and I want you to know that I heard you. No matter how much you wanna tell me you're sorry and that you didn't mean it, there's at least a small part of you that did and that's completely ok. 

I hate that I've let you down, that I've lied and pushed you away before. The fact that I've ever made you feel anything but trusted and loved, anything other than my entire world...I'm the one who should be sorry.

Iris seeing you..."

The words get caught in his throat. He pushes himself up so that he's sitting against their headboard and she follows him, not letting her eyes leave his face.

"I'm not gonna let it happen. I need you to know that. We've been through a lot of things. We've both lost a lot of people. But losing you?...Losing you is something that I'd never come back from."

He brings himself to look at her and finds her softly crying. She takes a sharp breath in and out before speaking.

"I want so badly for us to have our future. The thought of leaving everyone, of leaving you..."

She falls in to him and he doesn't try to hold her up, he lets her be broken. Let's her feel it all. Let's her be vulnerable.

His hold on her is strong. He wants to give her some of his strength in the way she's always given him hers. Wants to promise her that he'll fix it, that there's no way in hell he'll let anything happen to her.

But the truth is he doesn't know. He can't know for sure and it terrifies him.

He rests his head on hers.

"We're going to face this together, ok? You and me. Just like always. And when it feels like too much or when you're losing hope, I'll be there to lend you mine. Let me be for you what you've always been for me."

She lifts her head and wipes at her face. He can see her eyes silently asking the question, but her mouth doesn't move.

"Your hero, your strength, your place to run to when all you want to do is hide from the world. That's what you have always been for me. You've saved me more times than I could ever count.

I know how capable you are, but it's ok to be scared, it's ok to not have the answers, it's ok to need to borrow a little strength from time to time. It doesn't make you any less brave or powerful or heroic in my eyes."

She smiles at him.

It's the first time she's smiled since he told her the night before and a warmth spreads through him. A feeling only her smile can bring him. And he realizes how much he's missed seeing it, even if he's only gone without seeing it a few hours.

It was too long to go without the feeling her smile gives him. He needed that feeling as much as he needed air to breathe. It filled him up and made him whole, reminded him of why he is who he is and can do what he does.

It's all because of her.

"God you're beautiful...and I don't tell you that enough."

He places a hand on the back of her neck and brings her towards him.

He kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her cheek, before pulling away to look at her and she's smiling again. Eyes closed. Like she's savoring the moment and he can't believe how lucky he is.

"I could stare at you all day everyday for the rest of our lives and never stop finding new things that make you beautiful."

And her face gets serious for a moment.

He realizes he's pulled her from the moment. That he spoke of a forever she was no longer sure they had.

"We will find a way. We will," he assures her.

"I want so badly to believe that...I just-"

"I know."

He kisses her again. Wants to bring her back to the here and now. Wants to make her so dizzy from his love that their uncertain future is forgotten.

At least for a little while.

So they stay in their bed, exploring each other like they have no time and an eternity together all at once. 


End file.
